my name is laura kelly. ask me if for some reason you need to know more.
well god dammit i hate when i leave my weed in the back of friends cars
i’m never positive i’ll get it back
I was deliberating if I actually wanted to answer this publicly but fuck it why not. I’m not really ashamed of it anymore. I do normally prefer to know who I’m telling though, because you never know if the judgment could hurt professionally/socially/in-some-random-way but I’m hoping to just settle a curious mind right now.
I didn’t start using drugs till I was 18. I started with smoking marijuana because I have chronic back pain that no medication was working on. My friend smoked me up on some middies and somehow that finally did the trick. I became HOOKED instantly (with reasonable understanding - I was a blossoming addict with unstoppable pain and finally a new way to get through the day - I was souped.) Only 1 in 11 people become addicted to marijuana and I can definitely tell you I’m one of them. Weed is muh drug of choice.
But eventually I did get curious. If weed felt so good, what else could work? What else did the government lie to me about? Pot was no where near as bad as they said it was, so that got me to thinking nothing else was bad either. Nothing.
I did pretty much everything. I skipped right from weed to heroin though. There were some pills in between like percs and vics but nothing as serious as the heroin. I started off snorting like everyone does because that means “I’m still not addicted I have this under control see look” but obviously that was a lie to keep myself happy.
Then I started shooting and had no idea what to do with myself. I cried half the time I shot up, and threw up the other half. I have a horrible needle phobia that only exacerbated the problem and now I have little carbon marks on my arms that will probably be there forever.
When I was doing heroin nothing mattered. I did any drug that came my way, even crack, but nothing stuck like the heroin. I cut a lot too, which is also considered an addiction (nearly like opiates) because of the endorphins it releases and how the dopamine receptors react to them.
If you have any further questions I’ll be happy to answer them, I would just feel much, MUCH more comfortable off anon - whoever you are. I don’t even care if I know you.
opened my eyes. i don’t hate my dad for being an alcoholic anymore. i don’t hate anyone who is physically, mentally, or spiritually dependent on any kind of drug - be it alcohol or pills or weed or intravenous injections of good old heroin. to me it is all the same.
i couldn’t just stop at one. never. if i had a prescription of 180 klonopin, it was gone in a day or two tops. if i had an ounce of weed i’d smoke that shit till i passed out. handles of vodka? shit i don’t need to taste it, i just needed the affect.
one was too many, but one thousand was never enough. i had to keep going in order to silence the pain in my body and my mind. i thought if i could medicate it like all the doctors do i’d be fixing the problem - but in reality i was just pushing it off so it grew and grew and grew to the point where it was going to eat me alive.
and no matter how many people begged me to stop - no matter how many times i promised my mother that i was done and finished and that this was the last time and i mean it - i couldn’t stop. even love wasn’t enough. my addictions ruled me and i was powerless and out of control.
i’m happy i’m sober for now. i needed this time to really get my perspective on things. i’m glad i met ricky sober and that our goals are the same. come september, we both plan on smoking weed again but for now we’re okay without it. i’m okay without it. i don’t need it anymore.
no more pills. no more booze. no more heroin. just straight up marijuana once i’m out of all this drug testing and court shit. i know weed can be addictive now - i KNOW it can. anyone who tries to tell you differently can come talk to me. but now that i’m beyond the point of ignorance, i feel like my life is in much better hands.
i don’t need to manage my life by hiding and running away anymore.
Weed is beautiful
kief is the cherry on top
I am really high